I am currently faced with the possibility of working outside the home for the first time in nearly ten years. We have our antiques business, which keeps me plenty busy, but in these tougher times buying beautiful things seems to be less of a priority for most people. Go figure. This new twist brings with it excitement, terror, dread... and a deep curiosity of whether or not I can still hack it in the "real" world. Has my time in the mother-hood made me soft? Or will I be even better at my job because of all that I do now? I know my tolerance for most people is way deeper than it used to be. Juggling ten things that don't involve wiping up food, urine or barf sounds pretty good about now. But then again, I'd have to wear actual pants. Even in my casual field I don't think wearing yoga pants every day would be acceptable. Good Lord, I hope they make stretchy-slightly-fashionable-career-type clothes. I know the 80's are back... oh wait, is that over already? I sure wish the post-pregnancy-tired-mommy look would come into vogue. Real-life Mom-chic. Yeah, that would be cool.
But leaving this every day...
... oh my... that will be the hardest part.
I am so grateful for all the time I have had with my babies, but I worry about what I might miss if I have to go out to work every day. I am greedy. I want more. I want to be there every day. Every sporting event, school play and that random Tuesday when someone hurt their feelings. In the mornings when I walk Quinn into school I see boys age 10, 11, 12... and know that it isn't so far off. That soon enough my boys will shoot up in height, arms & legs all a jangle as they slowly adjust to their new stature. Their need for independence and space growing just as quickly & awkwardly. I try to remember this most on days when they literally want to be on me all day. When I can't turn around without tripping over their needs. I try to remind myself that some of these needs are temporary... that the wave of independence will soon be cresting... knocking me down to a supporting role instead of my current leading lady status.
|Modeling their outfits for Uncle Chris & Aunt Jenny's wedding...|
|Love this one...|
|Looks like he is practicing his "best man" speech...|
|Soren loves his thumb...|
|... and feet!|
|My goofiest little boy... love this kid!|
|Looking like a really big boy these days...|
It helps knowing that even when they are grown, even if I do end up having to go out to work, even if we disagree & struggle with new boundaries... I will still always be their Mama.
One of the only things I know for sure in this life is that I don't have all the answers. I do know what feels right... what works for me & my family. And I know that if, as a society, we could take more time talking about what unites us, about what we all really want (to raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted people) we sure could kick some ass.