Sunday, April 15, 2012

Spring Rain

My head is a bit jumbled this morning... partly from the cold that will not end, and partly from the million and one balls I am currently juggling.  Life right now feels a bit like one of those "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" books... one thing leading into another and another until you come full circle & start again.  Thinking about bills to pay as I am making jam toast and appointments to schedule as I drive to school and how to find any time to actually take a shower today as I sit and type now.

Taking Quinn to school this morning we were met with high gray skies & big fat rain drops.  There is something different about spring rain... it falls slower, the drops lazy & round.  Or maybe it's that just yesterday we were outside playing in short sleeves... layers quickly shed as the sun rose higher... and that memory is still so very fresh.  The inside of my car smells like the inside of a pumpkin... a mystery I just can't seem to find the motivation to solve. 

Just over two weeks ago William threw his back out.  Really really out.  Like down on the ground, can not get up, put a blanket on me and I will just sleep here kind of down.  Several appointments... chiropractor, massage, doctor... one MRI, one epidural and lots and lots of drugs later... he can now move but is still in a lot of pain.  Turns out he has a bulging disc that is leaking onto a branch of nerves... triggering the sciatic pain from hell... radiating pain from his lower back down the leg to his toes.  Watching a loved one in pain is so incredibly hard.  When this loved one is a 6 foot 2 inch whirling bundle of energy that usually does not stop moving, even when he is sleeping, it is even more of a shock.

Mid-week madness... had a dream last night that I was stuck on a treadmill that would not stop... no dream interpretation needed here.  William's back has gotten worse and he can barely walk, even with the assistance of a walker.  Am overwhelmed by all that has to happen to keep us on track... desperate for a break to catch my breath... and also so very grateful for my own returning health & ability to rally.  Am working very hard to re-train my brain when it gets in this state... repeating the simple words of "I can do this" as often as necessary.

Grandma came to see us on Friday and took Remy back home with her for the weekend.  Having "just" two kids & one patient to take care of is such a relief... I feel guilty for saying it, but I really needed a break from four-year-old energy.  The constant boundary pushing, negotiations & tantrums stretching my patience to its breaking point far too often.  Am now feeling as if my shoulders have dropped from my ears and find myself missing the little rascal.

No improvement for William's back.  He is now on the waiting list for surgery as we also pursue other options... an osteopath & acupuncture are next up as we wait to talk with the surgeon.  The waves of pain are broken up with patches of sleep as he occasionally finds a tolerable position.  My empathy for people who care-take loved ones full-time has grown beyond limits.  It is hard enough to carve out time for myself within the world of motherhood... this new twist has definitely added to the challenge.  Am grateful for a sense of humor that runs strong & deep.  Truly, it is sometimes the only way to navigate rough waters.

The week before we enjoyed a wonderful visit from Noni & Poppi.  I barely took any photos, but did capture a few moments...

Littlest mister is now 4 months old... and ready for the "office"!

He takes his work at the office very seriously...

We enjoyed a visit from cousins for Easter fun...

Hangin' with Noni

Chocolate makes the best breakfast...

 Today the sun is strong & the skies a sparkling spring blue.  Looking forward to short-sleeves and bubble blowing on the front porch with Quinn.  It is always so much easier to feel hopeful when the sun is shining bright...