Wednesday, November 23, 2011

When it pours...

There have been times in my life when everything feels so very light.  When the sun shines in every corner & moments float by like dandelion fluff, unhindered by gravity, as things fall into place.  Magic & fleeting, I have learned to notice these moments and recognize how fortunate I am to experience them.

Then... there are those other times... when it feels like everything is falling down at once.  When the dark, gray clouds roll-in & it doesn't just rain, it pours.  Things beyond our control conspire to bring unexpected expense, unwanted change & swirls of uncertainty.  Gravity tightens its hold on all that it touches.  The logical, reasonable side of me understands that this is all just a part of being alive... the yin/yang, ebb/flow, give/take of the universe.  The emotional side?  Not so understanding.  It prefers a good wallow... passive, tearful, toddler-style tantrum ending in a grand pity-party.  It can be so easy to get caught in the why? trap.  Why me? Why now? Why us?

One of the first waves of accepting Quinn's Down syndrome sounded exactly like this... a great big bunch of why?s.  Having been through that swirl & come out the other side - better, stronger, wiser - helps us to face the other inevitable challenges that show up in life.  One of the biggest gifts of being Quinn's parent has been the re-defining of what it means to face a challenge.  It's not just slaying a dragon & living happily-ever-after.  It is facing that dragon & the next... & the next.  It is making a choice to move forward, no matter how hard it feels.  It is picking yourself up, leaving the pity-party, and confronting head-on whatever comes next.

The timing of this particular storm brings into sharp contrast what is important & what is not.  This week that focuses on gratitude & giving thanks is the perfect balance to the stormy days.  Our little family is happy & healthy.  Husband & I have found an even deeper level of in-love-ness and partnership.  Two little boys keep us laughing & in wonder of what we have created.  And a tiny boy in my belly grows bigger each day, the promise of new life bringing rays of brightness on darker days.  This is what really matters... a little blond head resting on my shoulder as I write this.  Snuggling close... oh wait... he is charming his way to ask if he can play a game on my iphone.  Little stinker has me pegged.

We don't know what is around the corner... or how exactly we will weather it... but weather it, we will.  In this exact moment we are grateful, giving-thanks & facing dragons together.


Anonymous said...

Our love to all of you from the Wisconsin branch of the family. Wish we could be together....hope everything is ok.....?

ang diehl said...